For almost a year, I've been completely out of bound... No job, no destination, no concrete plans,... just my dream and my goal to back me up. I'd like to think that I am master to my ambitions... that nothing may come between for as long as you know where you want to be. But thing is, life is no drama. It's real and some episodes of it are gruesome and bitter. I guess that's where I've been these past few months...
I left my job,... I left unceremoniously if that's how going on AWOL would be best defined. Why?... because that was a job that in the first place wasn't at all how I wanted myself doing. A job that I've avoided in as much as I can, but then eventually ending up doing it and even if all the systems and organs inside me were actually loathing it, without "kaplastican" I really did tried to love it. But then, you can never really force yourself to swallow something that you consider inedible even from the start. So, I left it mindless of what's gonna happen next; disregarding how a lot may be affected by my being jobless again; mindless of how I'll survive the stares and glances of people somewhat telling me how irresponsible and impractical I am. I heard a lot from my mother... according to her, I don't know how to sacrifice a bit even just for my own. I heard a lot from a lot... telling me of how ambitious I am and how foolish I am to leave a job while the rest are having hard time finding one.
And with all those that was said,... there I was at home trying to mend myself, trying to regain the old confidence and dreamful self that I used to have and I used to be. My brothers iunderstood, my aunts did so too,... and much to my grandma's happiness that I was home again. To them, it didn't matter whether I had a job or not, whether I earn or not. People thought I didn't have any plan of working and earning a living. What they don't understand is that, I'm not like them... I can't settle for something I don't want. How will I grow professionally and personally if I'm in something I don't even believe could help me. I wanted something I know they have dreamed as well at one point of their lives but eventually left that dream unrealized because it seemed impossible. During those days, I tried to compose myself... what will be my steps, how will I do it... And when I was sure I wanted to do it,... I went back from where I left and started all over again going through the same way I used to track before but with a better reason and a much more positive spirit.
With my backpack of dreams, I know I can make it. Afterall, I can always check on my map if I'm going the wrong way or not, and I always have a handy-dandy family that will always be with me to the big brown hill or not.
