Sea...renity

We had a nature trip last weekend. We had a 2-hour drive from the city of cebu going into one of its towns in the North called Tabuelan. Hidden behind its simple locality is a white sand beach called Durhan. The sea is welcoming especially the fine white sand one could compare with that in the famous Bora beaches. Funny thing is just that the sea water disappears every morning and afternoon and turns back to the tides at noon time when the heat of the sun is already searing through the skin. In the afternoon or early in the morning, the shore is so far you'll feel like walking on the same path Moses in the Bible had made when he strucked the red sea in half for the Israelites to pass by. And you may have encounters with sea creatures as well in the likes of Patrick (the starfish,... good thing Spongebob is not there) and Sebastian... even Nemo's relatives were there.... Nevertheless, its a wonderful experience to go there just make sure you'll take the opportunity of dipping into the water before its gone again in its daily sojourn... (I hate myself for not having to do that thinking that the water would never be gone)

LIMBO

We all had dreams,.... precious and perfect. We live our life trying to reach it so that someday we can tell ourselves that we lived a worth and wonderful life. But things doesn't always happen the way we planned or dreamed it to be because life no matter how we try to make the most out of it will always have bitter realities to live on. We can never live it in the sweet and endearing way we want it to be. There will always be those days when we will find ourselves empty and lost in the middle of an unknown and unwanted road. It's not going to be a fine and sunny day always because there will have to be rain on some parts of it.

And thing is,... we have to face all these no matter which road we take. In one way or another it's still going to be the same... we have to live that's why we have to pay the price of it that comes with all those odd and unwanted things we come across,...because if we stop facing it,... it's like deciding to die and end up six feet under achieving nothing, proving nothing and not surviving the devil that's in every little detail there is with our life.

THE RUSHING WATERS

I've always been scared of the deep but if this is how welcomming a scene would be,... i guess i'll take a dip with a "salbabida" of course to back me up and a battalion of coast people and divers to save me. I got this shots on my way home to Leyte... try going to the topmost part of the ship, just don't commit suicide like Rose... and you'll see how amazing the sea water is... it really is one of nature's gifts.




MORE THAN A RIPPLE... from the back part of The Titanic

FAR BEYOND THE BRIDGE... leaving the shores of Cebu

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SEA... wouldn't it be nice if the water's clean and green?

DISTANCE... just distance

PICTURE PERFECT... the age of ice

THE IRONY OF FAITH

This is how the so-called "Mahal nga Adlaw" (Holy Week) is relived in our small community. I've been living in Maghubas (a small barangay 2kms away from the town proper of Burauen, in Leyte) for almost 18 years now. Ours, is a perfect community... not because everyone is righteous nor everybody's nice,... because in fact you'll see all types of people from all walks of life here. It is a perfect community in a sense that just like any place I know, everything's here. "Kumbaga sa kape, 3 in one, all in one"...

We have the typical "bungangeras", "tsimosas", and "paraghubog"(mga drunkenmasters or sunog baga)...

We also have the plastics and the "sipsip" to the heirarchial body...

We have the "walang paki" (which I often consider myself as the leader)...

We also have of course the "simpleng tao" who doesn't bother with the whole community's "kabaliwan" and who simply live life as is...

....And ironic as it is,... whenever the Lenten season comes,... there goes the spirit of Catholicism. Whether its mere going with the flow for some, or sincerely doing the rituals as I call it,... the usual routine of "pagpinanlibak" stops for a moment and everyone seems to busy themselves with the activities organized by the mission.

One of the highlights is what we call "An Pagdumdum han Pagkasakit ni Kristo" or commonly called as the Passion of the Christ. We've been doing this for 5 years now, and even if I'm not really a religious I can't help but admire those individuals who join in the reenacment especially the one who acts the role of Christ. They are really not nailed on the cross but mind you, its not easy to carry such thing on your shoulder under the unnerving heat of the sun. And after the walk through the 14 stations, they will still have to stay on the cross for almost 3 hours for the last words. Not an easy thing huh... but of course, it's still nothing compared to the sufferings of the one being who once upon a time has been there in that same scenario with real blood coming from real wounds and who experienced real death (is there a fake death?) in the name of redemption.

A Matter of Faith

"Look who's talking?" ...This was how I reacted one Sunday afternoon while listening to one of the priest's long and (technically pointless)homily. I was seated at the second to the last row at the back of a nearby church in Cebu, attending and doing my role as a Catholic to spend at least a day with Him in His house when the devil in me agin showed up as I heard a definitely "crazy" spiel. The main point of the sermon was FAITH and LIVING IN FAITH. In the truest sense of the word, faith is such a vague and an unexplainable matter and such a sensitive topic to discuss as well. The priest started his homily well enough to have caught my attention. He started by asking a question as to how do we live with our faith?... That gave me a little prick because honestly, most of the time I think I'm not living in faith,... if the Catholic standard is to be considered. Faith according to him (and according as well to a lot many vicars of the church and almost all Christian Living books I know of) is shown in action... yes, I would agree to that because I believe that how you live life in itself is a manifestation of your faith; if you will agree with me that faith is what you believe in be it religious or philosophical for as long as you believe in it and you live by it... that makes it your faith. I was struck though when he started to say things (odd things) that people do and detach himself from the fact that we all do evil things and his being a priest or a servant of God doesn't exempt him to be one of us. "I don't want YOU to live life in a crooked way... YOU should be like sheeps,...tamed and gentle" (and what would he be, I wonder?) He might not mean it like how I understood it, but the thing there is that, he above all of us there should know that we are all alike. We are all sinners and even if he is wearing that vest standing in front of us all speaking from the scriptures that I thought he understood the whole content well,... is also a sinner. It's okay to say the flaws of men, but to talk about it and not include yourself as flawed is like saying to the world "I"M LYING... NO ONE SHOULD BELIEVE ME"

Funny how there are people like that,... they thought they are pure because of a difference they have from the many. I myself am a Catholic,... I've spent years of education at a Catholic school... but that doesn't make me a devoted nor a perfect person and I know I will never be. I believe in God, but I also believe that there's always a devil in us. And more often than not, sometimes we live up with the devil even if we believe in a God who is good and pure. I can't explain where that God is but I'd like to think He's just around and wherever He goes the devil also exists...

After the Rain

For almost a year, I've been completely out of bound... No job, no destination, no concrete plans,... just my dream and my goal to back me up. I'd like to think that I am master to my ambitions... that nothing may come between for as long as you know where you want to be. But thing is, life is no drama. It's real and some episodes of it are gruesome and bitter. I guess that's where I've been these past few months...

I left my job,... I left unceremoniously if that's how going on AWOL would be best defined. Why?... because that was a job that in the first place wasn't at all how I wanted myself doing. A job that I've avoided in as much as I can, but then eventually ending up doing it and even if all the systems and organs inside me were actually loathing it, without "kaplastican" I really did tried to love it. But then, you can never really force yourself to swallow something that you consider inedible even from the start. So, I left it mindless of what's gonna happen next; disregarding how a lot may be affected by my being jobless again; mindless of how I'll survive the stares and glances of people somewhat telling me how irresponsible and impractical I am. I heard a lot from my mother... according to her, I don't know how to sacrifice a bit even just for my own. I heard a lot from a lot... telling me of how ambitious I am and how foolish I am to leave a job while the rest are having hard time finding one.

And with all those that was said,... there I was at home trying to mend myself, trying to regain the old confidence and dreamful self that I used to have and I used to be. My brothers iunderstood, my aunts did so too,... and much to my grandma's happiness that I was home again. To them, it didn't matter whether I had a job or not, whether I earn or not. People thought I didn't have any plan of working and earning a living. What they don't understand is that, I'm not like them... I can't settle for something I don't want. How will I grow professionally and personally if I'm in something I don't even believe could help me. I wanted something I know they have dreamed as well at one point of their lives but eventually left that dream unrealized because it seemed impossible. During those days, I tried to compose myself... what will be my steps, how will I do it... And when I was sure I wanted to do it,... I went back from where I left and started all over again going through the same way I used to track before but with a better reason and a much more positive spirit.

With my backpack of dreams, I know I can make it. Afterall, I can always check on my map if I'm going the wrong way or not, and I always have a handy-dandy family that will always be with me to the big brown hill or not.

Mga Aral sa Buhay ni Zay

Kabanata II



KINDER KaOn

Sa puntong ito ako ay anim na taong gulang na at katulad ng inaasahan ipinagpatuloy ko ang aking kakulitan...



-namulat ang batang si zay sa kasinungalingang ayos lang na magsuot ng panty lamang... (wala pa sa isip niya ang hiya...tsk tsk tsk, nakaka awang bata)

-panget talaga ang lasa ng gatas lalo na pag sa baso iniinom, kaya hanggang kinder gumagamit siya ng tsupon

-NIPS ang ginagawang pang "bribe" ng tita niya para siya ay mag-aral ng "lesson"

-hindi siya pumapayag na gawin ang isang bagay ng walang kapalit... (kahit juice lang okay na)

-nalaman niya na para maka "honor" sa recognition day ay dapat "close ng nanay ang titser" -dapat ay kahiraman ng VHS tape at kung magbibirthday ay imbitado si ma'am- dapat din ay binibigyan ng litson si ma'am pagmay okasyon sa kanila

-haaay!!! eto pala ang mundo sabi ni zay

-nalaman ni zay na yung matanda pala na lalake sa kanto ay hindi nakakapag pagaling ng sakit ng tiyan. (akala niya kasi na pag lolo lahat ay alam gawin kahit magpagaling)

-unang "prinaktis" ni zay ang pagiging rebelde noong nasa Kinder siya...(here's the scenario)... hindi niya inaasahang sa recognition day nila ay mas makakataas pa sa kanya ang kaklaseng wala namang gaanong alam maliban sa makipag close sa titser... kaya nang ibinigay sa kanya ang result sa placement niya pinunit niya ito sa harap ng titser niya...haay! a new activist was born talaga. parang nagpunit lang ng cedula bilang hudyat ng isang himagsikan

-nalaman ni zay na "not all is fair" sa mundo

-more often than not, ang tao ay makararanas talaga ng kadayaan sa buhay niya kahit pa sabihing ginagawa niya lahat ng nararapat

-ito ang pinag-ugatan ng lahat ng pagdududa ni zay sa tao

-nalaman ni zay na hindi pala natuwa ang tatay niya ng siya'y ipinanganak dahil isa siyang "babae"...(talagang patriarchal ang mundo)

-sa kabilang dako, dito din si zay nagsimulang ma "in love" sa musika

-at naging paborito niya ang awiting kahit hanggang ngayon ay di niya pa alam ang title,... ang alam lang niya ay ang linya nitong... "panahon na para magsaya, forget mo na ang problema...."

-kinakanta niya ito sa ibabaw ng mahaba nilang mesa sa bahay habang hawak ang hair brush bilang microphone

-paborito niya din an "Estudyante Blues" at syempre pa ang kanta ng "Batibot" at "Sesame Street"

-nanonood din siya ng "That's Entertainment" at "Lunch Date" at minsang nangarap na maging isang artista para makita si Fernando Poe...of course! at makapagsuot ng magagarang damit

-una niya ding nalaman na pag patay na pala ang tao, di kana pala nito makikita.

-napatunayan niya ito ng dumalaw siya minsan sa punton ng uncle niya ng bihis na bihis (nag prepare tlaga siya for that occasion only to find out na hindi naman pala natutulog lang ang taong patay na)haay! kahabaghabag na nilalang!

...but wait there's more... "hanggang sa susunod na pagbabasa..."